While I was on vacation in Colombia last fall, I was touring the country with my dad. It was a wonderful experience to be alone with him in the car driving through my beautiful country, talking about anything and everything. While in one of our conversations I made some statements about the internal struggle I have lived all my life; as a Colombian immigrant child who grew up missing her home, her family, her culture and so much more in a strange land, and at the same time having grown a New Yorker full of energy and passion for all that is American (and now global). I don't belong neither here nor there, I don't feel complete in either place. His reply was "ustedes viven en el despecho". I broke into tears, for he was so right.
And so I sit here today, surfing the net and listening to Colombian music. Until a song plays that hits me in the heart and transports me to my childhood and memories of my family and life as it was, and I break into tears.
I wish there was some way I could change things, find fulfillment. But as I imagine many or perhaps any immigrant can understand, this is the high price we pay for wanting more. For wanting something better. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it.
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