Ustedes viven en el despecho

While I was on vacation in Colombia last fall, I was touring the country with my dad. It was a wonderful experience to be alone with him in the car driving through my beautiful country, talking about anything and everything. While in one of our conversations I made some statements about the internal struggle I have lived all my life; as a Colombian immigrant child who grew up missing her home, her family, her culture and so much more in a strange land, and at the same time having grown a New Yorker full of energy and passion for all that is American (and now global). I don't belong neither here nor there, I don't feel complete in either place. His reply was "ustedes viven en el despecho". I broke into tears, for he was so right.

And so I sit here today, surfing the net and listening to Colombian music. Until a song plays that hits me in the heart and transports me to my childhood and memories of my family and life as it was, and I break into tears.

I wish there was some way I could change things, find fulfillment. But as I imagine many or perhaps any immigrant can understand, this is the high price we pay for wanting more. For wanting something better. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it.

Atlantic City, here I come!!

That's right! I am going to Atlantic City for 3 days next week. I am so excited to have that mini get away. I am going with Anna and her daughter and we are planning on having lots of fun at the roulette tables and eating plenty at the buffets. I hope it won't be too terribly cold so we can walk around town a bit, and maybe enjoy the boardwalk as well. Ofcourse I am also hoping that Lady Luck will be on our side; it would be great to come home with a couple of extra bucks in my pocket. - Wish me luck!

Don't you date?

That's what someone asked me today when he found out I'm single. And my answer was: not really, I work long hours and I'm a homebody anyway. The days of clubbing and late nights were over a long time ago, isn't that sad? But honestly, I just don't have the energy for it anymore.

As it turns out, he is also single, also works long hours and doesn't date much. Hmmm... I don't really want to think too much about it, because J. Is still trying to hang around, making the same promesses he's made many times before. It wouldn't be fair to any of us for me to even try dating this guy right now. Too bad, because he's really cute and he has a job!

Sent from my iPhone

It's 2009

Already, 2009. I'm hoping this year I will post more often than in the past, but I can't promise anything. Let's start with a recap of January:

• I've been poking around in Facebook a lot.
• I connected with a cousin I haven't seen since childhood, although I get updates on her life from an aunt.
• I started looking into leaving New York and moving to Phoenix. It's time to leave and start something new; hopefully something better.
• I'm looking for a new job. I'm not happy in the company where I work, and I'm in desperate need for a change.
• I've continued my French lessons and I am enjoying them very much. I feel I'm learning a lot and those 20-30 minutes I spend listening to the podcasts give me a break from the things that worry me and keep me stressed.
• My lovelife has taken a turn for the worse; I don't think there's fixing it this time ::sigh::

I guess that's what's going on in a nutshell. As usual, not a whole lot but then again, my job doesn't allow me a whole lot of time for myself. But that's going to change.